FEEL to HEAL
Think about a cup filling up with water. If you keep adding water to the cup, it will overflow. It’s the same with your nervous system, which is responsible for managing those fight-flight-freeze responses. Keep adding stresses without fully releasing them, and sooner or later the system will be full and start to overflow in the form of symptoms: burnout, chronic pain, weakened immune system, digestive and sleep troubles, fatigue, chronic tension, anxiety, depression, etc. It comes down to this: burnout is caused by too much stress and by your survival instincts being trapped in your body.
Please remember that for this to be effective, bringing yourself INTO your body sensations is key – this isn’t just a reflection or thought-based exercise. Your body is what initially feels the stress. What typically happens is your higher brain protects you from feeling uncomfortable sensations in your body, when in fact the exact opposite is needed to get on the right pathway to releasing the stress. It’s about feeling, not thinking. The stress is initially picked up by the body (not the higher brain), so we need to go within the body to let it out.
What if you learned how to take healthy control of your higher brain, and become a better listener to your lower brain, also sometimes called your “lizard brain”, so that you could metabolize and release stress when it hits you, so it doesn’t become toxic and debilitating?
Healthy nervous system pathway wiring starts here. We have the capacity to heal ourselves. You’re about to learn the good news (and why I do the work I do). Over many years of study and practice (and my own healing process), I’ve discovered an essential, fundamental link to stress, burnout, pain and disease.
The missing link is this: your brain and nervous system, when wired well, and in a very healthy way, do know the difference between an actual tiger chasing you, versus a stressful project deadline that isn’t life-threatening. When you learn how to listen to your nervous system, and its fight-flight-freeze responses, you will also learn how to release stress immediately. When this happens you can take an active role in changing your health, wellness and outlook at this fundamental level. Your brain and nervous system, when wired well, and in a very healthy way, do know the difference between an actual tiger chasing you, versus a stressful project deadline that isn’t life threatening.
There is no getting around the fact that releasing deeply held stress, as well as rewiring your nervous system pathways to better respond to new stress, takes time. It has taken years (literally from birth) for stress to accumulate in your body, and for the programming in your brain that doesn’t cue you to release that stress to develop.
By using the 7 step process I’m about to share with you, implementing it daily and as needed, you’ll be able to fend off new stress from getting trapped in your system. You’ll begin to have the tools you need to approach your daily situations with relaxed alertness, in a more calm and confident manner, and you’ll begin to see changes in your life in unexpected and wonderful ways.
Here are the key concepts of the 7 steps:
- It’s super important to be able to tune into your body and its inner landscape to know whether or not a survival response that is happening might not actually be necessary for the situation you’re in. Then your body can know what kind of stress response is needed for that situation.
- Being present and quieting the mind are key. So often our dis-ease is caused by our waiting for something awful to happen, when in fact it never will. Rather than focus on the ‘what-ifs’ in your mind, focus on the here and now.
- It’s also key to allow yourself to go through the natural biological process your body needs to experience, in order to digest and release the stress, including the emotions that may come up. It’s super important to be able to tune in to your body and its inner landscape to know whether or not a survival response that is happening might not actually be necessary for the situation you’re in.
VERY IMPORTANT TIP BEFORE YOU BEGIN Please remember that for this to be effective, bringing yourself INTO your body sensations is key – this isn’t just a reflection or thought-based exercise. Your body is what initially feels the stress. What typically happens is your higher brain protects you from feeling uncomfortable sensations in your body, when in fact the exact opposite is needed to get on the right pathway to releasing the stress.
It’s about feeling, not thinking. The stress is initially picked up by the body (not the higher brain), so we need to go within the body to let it out. Make sense? OK. Let’s begin… The next time you’re in a stressful situation, or you feel you’re getting stressed-out, rather than ignoring it and pushing through the stress, give these 7 steps a try.
- PAUSE When you sense you’re a bit stressed-out or coming into a stressful situation, STOP what you’re doing (if it’s safe to do so). It’s about feeling, not thinking.
- FEEL IT Start noticing how stress enters your body. If you aren’t sure what to pay attention to, that’s OK! Lean in and feel the stress, whatever form it’s taking. One of the problems we have is that we want to avoid, ignore or power through stress. Well, as you now know, it’s still there and being held in your body. So this is an important step to tuning into your stress so you can respond to it and release it. As simple as they seem, just doing Steps 1 and 2 – pausing and feeling what’s going on INSIDE – can make a world of difference for you! What you might feel here are tensions in the physical body, or some heated emotions such as sadness or anger in response to the stress. This is OK. This is actually really good. When you tap into your body response, and all its shades of emotions (yes, even emotions like rage and disgust) and sensations, you become aware of your stress response from a more nuanced and body-based point of view. Bring the body into this game and actually follow what it wants and you’ll have the secret to coming out of your stress.
If tuning into your internal body state feels a little tricky and you can’t seem to access any specific sensations or emotions try noticing your connection with your immediate environment. Simply sense your physical body in relation to your surroundings. For example, if you’re sitting, just notice the contact between your butt and the chair. If your back is against a chair, sense the pressure and contact you make with your back and the seat. There is no need to change how you’re sitting, unless of course you sense the need to readjust to make yourself more comfortable. Just notice. If your feet are on the ground, simply pay attention to the pressure of each foot. Same goes for it you’re standing. Bring the body into this game and actually follow what it wants and you’ll have the secret to coming out of your stress.
- NOTICE ANY SENSATIONS IN YOUR BODY Noticing and staying present with the often uncomfortable sensations in our body is something we tend to avoid. Most times we try to get rid of the stress by “taking a deep breath” or by thinking about how awful it is and then staying in our head. You need to get out of your mind and thoughts, and into the body sensation that’s actually happening. Don’t avoid or ignore what’s happening – stay with it. Take a moment to actually sense the physicality of this stress that’s happening to you and where it resides in your body. People often depict this as an energy, heat, or tightness in a certain body area. Common areas that people feel this are the belly, chest, throat and jaw. Often there is an increase in heart rate, or a shallowness of breath; whatever it is that you notice, pay attention to the physicality of it.
- BE SELF-AWARE Self-awareness is a largely lost skill in our world. Just notice yourself and all that you did in Steps 1-3; it sounds really simple but it can be challenging. Practicing helps it become easier. As the experience begins to diminish, start to gently touch and squeeze body parts. Maybe rub your hands together as if you are washing them with warm soapy water. Look at your hands as you do this. Really see some details on your skin, your nails, etc. Then do the same with your wrists, elbows, knees and thighs. What this does is returns your body back to you. You’re re-connecting and re-orienting to your system that just went on major alert mode.
- NOTICE YOUR BREATH Don’t change it, just notice what it’s doing as opposed to breathing deeply. I know some experts will tell you to breathe deeply to calm down, but you should NOT and Self-awareness is a largely lost skill in our world here’s why: Taking in a deep breath actually increases your heart rate and what you don’t want is to increase your arousal, right? Rather, just notice your breathing, and wait for it to naturally come down. If anything, increase the length of your exhale breath. When we exhale, our heart rate decreases.
- PAUSE AGAIN More pausing, more self-awareness. Give yourself time to allow the adrenaline level to come down. Imagine it coming down while you pause. Don’t rush to the next errand or interaction. Adrenaline is our key stress-response chemical, and even just having the intention of it lowering will make a difference. Seriously, it will!
- ENGAGE Open your eyes and see the world around you. Say HELLO to your plants and books, or whatever is in front of you. When you do this you’re activating a part of your nervous system that detects your current position in the environment. Basically, you’re seeing that you’re safe and that “no tiger is chasing you.” Again, it’s about being with what’s actually happening. Take notice of any more changes in your body, such as the belly softening, the jaw loosening, the hands relaxing. Are there any tears? Think about what you do when you hold back tears after an accident or emotional upset: The mouth tightens, the throat constricts. You’re essentially holding in those tears as well as the emotion, energy and stress of the situation. If tears are coming, allow them to come. Cry if you feel it. Don’t hold back tears. Is there any energy or tension in the legs or arms that needs releasing?
It’s also a good way to take a break in the middle of a workday and requires nothing special except the ability to pause and bring your attention to your surroundings (and your body from a kinesthetic point of view). The more you can ‘break-up’ your day and time into these little snippets of orientation, the more you’ll be able to release the stress as it enters so that it doesn’t become toxic.
Final Tips for Practicing How long should this take? When you’re just learning this, you’ll want to take 5-10 minutes to practice. Everyone will be different based on their past experiences of tuning in and sensing their body in this manner. As your skills become more honed, going through this 7 step process will become natural and instinctive, and can be completed in minutes, even seconds when you’re really tuned in. Eventually, you’ll not even need to refer to the “steps” per se, rather just be able to zone in on the stress and dissolve it instinctually.
How do I know if I’m doing this right? There is no right or wrong. Go easy on yourself, and remember that this kind of practice, since it’s not your “norm,” may seem really odd, and that’s OK. This is especially true if you’ve been storing up stress for a long .
The key is to be curious and know that your body wants to release stress – remember that in actuality, these 7 steps are just the first step. What if I start to feel uncomfortable stuff like body pain, intense emotion or difficult memories coming up? When sensations, emotions and memories that are unpleasant come into our awareness, we want to, as much as possible, befriend them and invite them in. We don’t want to push them away (like we might think) as this is most likely why they are there – they never got a fair chance to be processed and tended to. Rather than take deep breaths to soothe the unpleasant qualities (remember, this can actually suppress and drive the pain deeper into the nervous system), just breathe a natural breath. Stay present to the unpleasant qualities (notice I use the term “unpleasant quality,” not pain) and continue to follow the 7 steps. As I tell my clients, pain is a trapped sensation that simply wants to get out.